One of the things I worry about most is how my children are growing up without the influence of a father. Every day I make decisions for the children and wonder how Chris would have handled the situation. For the most part I’ve sailed through the process. This week I was blessed with an inadvertent nod towards my parenting skills.
I’ll start by saying that it’s a house rule; you’re not allowed to date until your 15. The rule was established when the kids were five and 15 seemed so far away. I changed the age to 16 when they turned 12 and I’d change it to 25 if I didn’t think they’d revolt. Over the years I’ve taught the boys to open doors and to be polite and respectful. My daughter takes this all in and I’ve explained that she must expect the same kind behavior. Yes, I’ve tried to scare the kids away from potential suitors by referring to smells and mood swings but alas, my lovelies have started to show an interest in dating.
To this point one of my progeny recently celebrated a “one-year anniversary”. Was I surprised? No. I’ve known of this paramour for almost a year and have diligently worked to encourage a healthy fear; fear of me, fear of who I am and what I might say or do. To show I’m not a complete ogre however, I said I would take them for ice cream to celebrate the big day. I’d hide in Whole Foods while the young couple (and their siblings) enjoyed a sundae built for four. Needless to say my icy offer was declined. Phew. Later, when I asked how the big day unfolded I was presented with a story that was both enlightening and joyous.
As a gift, my teen received a deck of cards held together by a carabiner. Each card included a lovely sentence describing a favored personal attribute of the recipient. I have to be honest, some of the cards were a bit hard to hear but they were read with confidence, confidence that I would hear the words and behave as an adult. Many of the cards were a reflection of me — of Chris. The morals, values and standards we set for the kids were neatly printed on 50 playing cards. Sentences like “your creativity in life”, “your knowledge and hard work in school” and “your supportive-ness in what I want to do in life” were a few of the kindnesses that were imprinted on the cards. References to determination, compassion and creativity assured the attributes we’d hoped to instill in our children were starting to take hold.
Am I happy my kid is “dating”? RESOUNDINGLY NO! It’s exhausting and problematic.
When I asked the “sibs” what they thought of the caring cards they responded similarly; they were a bit hard to read (yuck) but it’s nice to have someone be so creative in expressing what they like about you. I have to agree. It was nice to see carefully in print all the characteristics of a lovely young person. Someone you could be proud of and trust.
I love and trust my children very much; we were dealt an interesting set of cards but like myself, my children have risen to the challenges set before them — and for this I am truly grateful!
Have a great week,