Keeping Up with The Art of Living Lost

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Text reading 'THE ART OF LOVING' with a curved orange dashed line underneath.This summer two Kardashian sisters announced they were pregnant.  Talks of timing and surrogates peppered the media; I chuckled at the thought of their ever-expanding cast.

To this point, before I can write another word about my joyous, lost adventures, I need to share a story about my own ever-expanding cast.

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The Art of Living Lost: Oh, Facebook!

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A social media status indicating a marriage announcement today.

I’m not a huge fan of social media. I use several platform accounts to either conduct business or follow my kids.

Over the years, I’ve amassed a cache of followers that include high school acquaintances, PTA parents, and under-30 business associates. I’ve always accepted friend requests; what did I care? I don’t post; I don’t follow, I don’t stalk.

Then I decided to write a book. From that moment on, I knew my social media standing would be an excellent way for publishers to gauge the public’s interest in my ideas. For the last year, everyone I met, everyone I interviewed, everyone I stood next to in line at Target received a business card. If they reached out to me via Facebook, I accepted.

Suddenly, I was no longer swimming in a pool of aging cheerleaders; I’d now amassed a following of almost 200 friends! As I received requests, I would accept and immediately unfollow. My list grew every day — 10, 20, 30 requests a day, I was on fire!

It wasn’t until I noticed that many of my friend requests were men that I looked more closely and found a few evocative private messages. While I’d discovered a way to play the numbers, I’d also opened myself up to some unwanted solicitation; these were not unfollow worthy folks, these were unfriend vermin.

So Friday night after dinner, I settled in to unfriend the assaulting few and decided to change my status to married. Yes, my friend suggested I change my status to in a relationship, but I said, “NO, that’s personal.” Navigating to the drop-down menu, I selected married, and when prompted to enter a date, I decided it was too creepy to list my December anniversary, so I left it blank. I pressed to accept and was rewarded with a “Got married today” message!

CRAP, CRAP, CRAP.

Panicked, I immediately texted a few gal pals and my sister-in-law, “no, I didn’t get married today,” and then the phone started to ring.

My beloved friend in Houston could hardly contain peals of laughter as she choked out, “what did you do?”. Through a thinly veiled fit, I explained that I merely wanted to stop some unwanted advances. As I explained, my phone pinged, pinged, and pinged. Quickly hanging up, I started texting, “got tired of FB pick-ups; did not get married today.”

As fast as I cut and pasted, I received texts. Friends from near and far were congratulating me. As the likes and comments grew, my explanations became more profound and more sincere; “I PROMISE I’d never get married without you.”

Then I had to call my parents. Can you imagine?

I HAD TO CALL MY PARENTS!

Chris’ family? Oh yeah, they were surprised, and the tears started to roll.

My Matron of Honor? That was the worst; I could feel the sadness in her words; she was devastated, “not because I got married, but because she wasn’t next to me.”

All in all, it took me seven hours to untangle the mess. I’d gone viral. Every “like” extended the reach of my news. I heard from friends in town, in the US, and across Europe, the Middle East, and Africa.

What a colossal mistake. To protect my privacy, I was forced to face a complicated truth and inadvertently shared an intimate detail of my life; I am no longer married and, in fact, in a relationship. Recognizing the former brought me great sadness while living the latter brings me great JOY — and for this, I am grateful.

Have a great week,

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Art of Living Lost: Deirdre De-Clutters

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Stack of glass pot lids reflecting outdoor scenery.

I have a friend who “declutters” for a living; it doesn’t matter if you are a downsizing senior or an inefficient professional; she’s the master of re-organization.

I, on the other hand, am a recycler; I see the beauty in almost everything. I’m not just a saver of stuff per se but more of a sentimental connoisseur. So this week, while strung out on DayQuil, I decided to declutter my home and, in doing so, I unwittingly decluttered my mind and spirit. Let me explain.

Some say we have 50, 60, or 70+ THOUSAND thoughts a day; looking at my chaos, and I wondered how many brain cells I’d burned subconsciously thinking about the crap that physically surrounded me? Items evoking the powers of fear, anger, disdain, and embarrassment were all resting in my kitchen cabinets. I found stupidity, failure, and gas pains lurking in my pantry. My bathroom was awash with the scents of first dates, success, and bitchiness. I wondered, where did sexy go?

Rummaging and discarding; physically crushing and crashing my past, I felt lighter.

And with the lightness came clarity and joy.

Week after week, I share stories about my every day, and sometimes, not so everyday life.

I’ve asked you to look up and out; this week, I am challenging you to take a look inside.

Inside your cabinets, your home, your office, and your life. What’s lurking in plain sight that can be crushed, crashed, and discarded? Think about it.

Until next week,

XXOO

The Art of Living Lost: The List

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A ceramic mug casting a shadow on a wooden surface by a lake.

Photographer — Betsy Martin @betsysinclair

Last year, over coffee and kids, two summer-time friends asked me about my love life; had I met anyone? Was I dating?  The answer to both questions was the same: no and no.

Over the years, I’ve gone on a few dates that frankly, weren’t worth the effort.  Truth be told, I’m at an odd age; I’m not old enough to retire from the love game, and I am too old to get married and start another family. Not to be deterred by my blatant disinterest, my pals decided that I should make a list of what I wanted in a partner so that I’d recognize them when I saw them.

After some giggles and some thought, I had nothing.  I had no idea what would make a suitable companion.  Fortunately, as it turned out, they had a list and, for the next ten minutes, I sat quietly as they rattled off the attributes of the perfect partner.  Here’s the original list in the order they deemed proper:

  • Confident and not intimidated by women
  • Funny
  • Smart
  • Financially secure
  • Understands family
  • Someone, if he were a girl, you’d still be friends

I added chemistry; let’s leave it at that…

So, with the list in hand, I chugged the rest of my coffee, collected my kids, and went home. A few weeks later, I found the list and posted it on a corkboard in my office.  As I looked at the list, I decided to add three items that I thought would round out my perfect partner:

  • Someone I could confide in
  • Someone I could trust
  • Someone who would take care of me

Satisfied, I re-pinned the list to my office wall and went on with my life.

Over the next few months, I raced a sports car, cursed along with Five Finger Death Punch, and navigated a glacial mass.  Today, NOW, it’s time to exercise another universal law — the Law of Attraction. I’ve put my list out there.  What’s on your list? It doesn’t need to be a love list; it can be a life list. Remember, you only get one life. What do you want to accomplish?

Write it down and let’s see what happens.

Have a great week,

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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